Grinchmas

grinchmas cat 2
I’m hearing you, grumpy cat

Would you hate me if I said I can’t stand Christmas?

 

Yeah, I kinda hate me too.

 

But it’s a game of charades I can no longer keep up. Actually, I don’t think I ever hid it. So in essence I suck at charades.  But Christmas drives me mad.  The over-production, the insane crazy shops, ugly Christmas shirts. No wait, I kinda dig the tackiness of them. It’s like totes hipster, right? If so, I’m in. The pressure. THE PRESSURE. To hold the perfect day. To be creating amazing food and have this spectacular house. Decorated to the hilt, courtesy of Woman’s Weekly (monthly, whatevs) Christmas Special. To have amazing special, never-to-be-recreated-again moments with all the family. And the obligation to have to spend the whole day with said extended family. Great if one has an awesome family. Not so great if it’s a little nutty.  Then it’s more akin to being locked in a panic room with a twitchy skunk. I am deep into Grinchmas town.

*temp*
Now THIS. This, I can handle. Via Lulu.com

Christmas to me is like your school formal. It’s this thing that you’ve been waiting FOREVER for. You’ve planned it in your head a million times; how it’s gonna go down, the awesome fun times you’ll have. The time you’ve always wanted. And then it comes…… and then it’s gone and you’re left with a massive anti-climax. Like, is that it? And it never quite works out exactly the way you want. It might be ok, but it’s not fab. And someone always makes a dick of themselves. Let’s blame Uncle Ted, shall we?

I want to love Christmas. I really do. And now with the little ladies afoot, I want to soak up their excitement. But it always seems to get squashed by obligations. And routine. And egg nog. Seriously, what is with that stuff? It looks like this amazing refreshment, and then blergh. Egg. As a drink. I guess the title says it all really, doesn’t it?

I promise I never used to be such a Grinchmas. I used to excitedly lay awake all night as a kid, trying to catch out Santa. And then Con the Fruiterer (doll, not the actual) led me to uncover Santa’s dirty secret. What? You didn’t want a Con the Fruiterer doll at age 7? But it wasn’t even that. I still happily played along. I loved nothing more than seeing all the relos, eating too much and running around like mad.  But then my Nan passed away on Christmas day. And after that Christmas was never the same again.

So because I’m all “the world has gone mad and Christmas is an over-commercialised, over-hyped, obligatory day that we pin too much hope on and why do we do this to ourselves”……. I’ve gone and bought this:

elf on the shelf box
I am in the cult, yo.

It’s the ultimate in self-sacrificing parenting, right? I’m practically throwing myself on the tracks for my little ladies. Possibly a tad hypocritical. But that’s how I roll.

elf 3
Joy. And evidently touching the elf makes them lose their magic. Oops. Christmas failing already.

The excitement on their faces when she arrived was kinda worth it. Her name is Elsa. I have NO idea where they came up with that name.

I know people get a bit anti-elf, but really, what harm are they? They provide a bit of magic, a bit of an escape from the hum drum. And it works as a permanent reminder to behave.  Or let’s call it ‘positively reinforce’ to make ourselves feel better.

elf 2
Elf high in the sky. Bet they’ve been watching In the Night Garden

And I guess that’s what all the tacky t-shirts, over-indulgence and forced get togethers are, aren’t they? A bit of change of pace, escape from the grind. A chance to unwind and spend time with people we might not get much time to see. I am trying to use my ‘green thinking’ and flip this around. I think I vomited a bit in my mouth just then. Six degrees of head shrinking right there.

So maybe we all need a little bit of tacky Christmas cheer. If it helps us to feel excited and fun and happy. But it’d be great to carry that feeling all year, wouldn’t it?

Meanwhile, I’m going to try to get myself more enthused by checking out these most awesome ugly sweaters. I think I need one in my life.

 

 

Are you a Grinch? Or are you all over Christmas like sweat rash on butt cheeks? Can you give me some tips on how to love Christmas?

  • I so want an Elf on the Shelf. But at the tender age of 43 I might be pushing it. Christmas can be so stressful can’t it. This reminded me of a cracker of a Kris Carr quote, “You don’t have to be Martha Stewart or Julia Childs. You just have to be you. Glorious, wonderful, awesome YOU. Do your best with what you have. Folks want your company more than your decorating skills. YOU are the celebration.” Just as well, because I can’t do lots of things but decorate tables and cater for the masses is not one of them. I hope your Christmas is sash-tastic, now you have Elsa on board, you’re sure to have an elfcellent time! :)

    • Oh lady, you NEED an Elf on the Shelf! You’re never too old!! That’s a beautiful quote sweets. Defs something to remember for sure! x

    • Fleur @ Our Urban Box

      Love that quote Sammie x

  • Marns the Mama

    Holy heck…my Husband and I are Christmas TRAGICS!!!! We both love it so much that in the early days of our courtship it nearly tore us apart due us both wanting our own Christmas traditions that were obviously different to each other’s. Kids TOTALLY make Christmas better, cos now it’s all about them! Despite V being a nature lover (read: destroyer) we will still be getting a giant, expensive real tree that she’ll no doubt strip down to twigs in no time. But it’s ok….cos it’s Christmas!!!

    • Love, I adore your Christmas tragic!! Just keep spamming me with pics and I’m sure I’ll be converted in no time ha ha. But oh gosh, the look on the kids’ faces come Christmas morning, and when they really get it? Priceless! x

  • The Rhonnifer and I don’t have kids – and we don’t really do “the family” stuff at Christmas anymore – and we don’t give each other presents anymore, because after being together for over 21 years, there’s not much we can give each other that won’t end up in a draw or cupboard, unused or ignored…

    Plus The Rhonnifer and I are atheists, so we have no connection to the spiritual side of Christmas either…

    So, no – we don’t really celebrate Christmas – The Rhonnifer usually cooks a roast turkey for me, because she likes to cook, and and like to eat…

    The only thing we do is listen to Christmas songs on iTunes all day, but we do that in a kind of ironic way… :)

    • John, I love that you say after 21 years together you don’t give gifts! After all that time there is no need is there?

      • We tend to just get stuff when we need it – and then pretend it’s a gift…

        The Rhonnifer just bought a new iPad-Mini, but we pretend it’s a gift from me… but it’s all our money, so who who actually bought it seems unimportant…

        • I like your style John! :) If we didn’t have kids, we’d be exactly the same! We don’t buy gifts, but we do put money into a ‘coin jar’ (which is really filled with notes so it’s a dumb name for the jar), and then whatever we’ve saved up at the end of the year we spend after Christmas, when things are much cheaper.

          And I hope you guys are listening to Christmas songs in tacky sweaters or shirts… it’s the only way to go! 😛

          p.s go the iPad mini! I’m all for pretend gifts. I got the same for my b’day ha ha!

  • Jo

    I’m very impressed you got The Elf! That face is popping up everywhere!!! Not sure if I will get one for next year. The tree up has so far brought on amazingly good behaviour and tidy rooms!! I’m thinking you totally need an ugly sweater!! Very cool! My mum always wears Christmas earrings in December – she’s so Kath from Kath and Kim – cracks me up!

    • They’re a bit of a commitment, the ol’ Elf. The girls are getting a real kick out of it, which is pretty cute. Oh I love Christmas earrings! The tackier the better! Goes well with a nice sweater! x

  • OH MY GOSH YOU DID WHAT?

  • I’m not exactly a Christmas grinch, but I am not one of those people who loses their mind over Christmas either. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. It’s all about the food for me & I feel wrong even saying that because I have FOUR kids, it should be about them, but planning the food is my favourite part.

    • Ha ha ha lady you have your priorities straight! Food ftw!! I do get a slight kick out of Christmas baking, I must admit. But not for others to eat it, just so I can feel cool about baking. x

  • So many things…..
    – Boo to being a Grinch. I love Christmas. I get a bit giddy when I hear carols in the shops.
    – Understandable though, given your Nan passed on Christmas Day. I’m so sorry to hear that. Makes for awful memories.
    – Then the Grinch buys the Elf? Only the MOST festively crazed mums do the Elf. This is like an arachnaphobe buying a pet Hunstman. You’re brave my friend. What a mum you are. And what a reward….look at that DARLING little face. EXCITEMENT PLUS!

    • I want the giddy, lady. I really do! But I am just filled with obligatory dread instead….. ugggh! Extended fam bam sour the feels. And I am a walking paradox, no? Bxut surely Elf generates spirit and cheer? Or just more Grinchmas as one feels the immense pressure to pose said Elf in increasingly elaborate poses, to post to IG. FOR THE KIDS, OF COURSE. x

  • grumpy cat and me says….. FUCK THIS!!!! takes me out every time.

    i reallllllly hated christmas for a lot of years.
    when i was young it was too much stress, anxiety, over stimulation.
    when i got older i hated spending obligatory time with family i couldn’t stand
    when i became an adult it was the gift expectation of not having enough money to give a ‘good enough’ gift.

    i have got over all that now.
    some years i really enjoy the holidays and some i do not. i just let it happen as it does how it does.
    this year i seem to be having a mellow happy holiday this round and i just go with the flow of it.

    the elf. i would only want one to do naughty things with. i’ve seen things pop up, like him pooping chocolates and snorting coke off barbies stripper ass. that shit takes me right out.

  • peregrinationgourmande

    Is it a psych thing? Because the same here! All my patients not liking Christmas, referring to familly stories… All the conflicts that are exploding at this diner… well
    Now that i’m “almost” an adult, i managed to skip all the obligations and only celebrate as we want (by we i mean my little family of 4), where we decide (would be perfect if we had the money to go to Maldives island but…) and what to do also. Our families are not ok with that decision of course i hve to admit but we are happy and that’s all about, isnt it?
    By the way, i’m watching you taking a lot of pics with this elf. Where this tradition come from? We don’t do that here in France. I’m curious…
    thanks for the post Doc, some people need that.
    xx
    cathy

  • Yeah I’m not a huge fan of Christmas either. Love the pic of Grumpy Cat, says it all really :-)

  • Noooo I LOVE Christmas…but your post did make me laugh (as always). It’s so true that we have so much hope riding on this one big day (like a wedding I guess!) then before you know it, the day is done and your tired and cranky.

    Love the sweaters, nice touch. I want to see a photo of you wearing one please.

    Shame we don’t make time to celebrate life a little more during the year instead of saving it all for this day!
    x

  • Mrs Grinch… uber impressed you made such a massive committment and got an Elf! looking forward to your insta elf spam!

    Here’s a tip for getting more festive and less grinchy… host a ‘bad christmas sweater’ party and crank up the A/C. Xx

  • Fleur @ Our Urban Box

    I’m kinda sitting on the fence about Christmas. If you asked me now, I’m all like when the heck is it going to be over? Tomorrow I might be into it. Christmas just isn’t the same when you are an adult. Its all hard work and bloody expensive. I am impressed you have a elf. Thats in the can’t be farked basket for me. I would forget to change the bloody thing each night. So your not as grinchy as you think xx