I missed my jog yesterday. Because I am hopeless and continue to pursue my ‘mutton-dressed-as-lamb’ love of heading out to a gig and jumping around and trying to appear hip and staying out carefree…. Until I get home and have to wake 4 hours later to children jumping on me, and I realise I’ve bunged my bad knee and my god, is my head meant to feel like it’s suck in a vice??
So today I got up and out. Bewt day. Just the right amount of sunshine, breeze, inner city cows (yes we have cows. Right near us. Next to a main road, about 12 minutes from the CBD) and sans kids for once.
I love jogging. I always aspire to do big runs and half marathons, but I don’t get past the 6.5km jog that my local bike trail offers. Because I don’t know where the rest of the trail leads off to once it hits the road part. Good enough excuse, right?
So this is my ‘me’ time to, you know, really just zone out. This is how my zoning out goes:
Wow, what a beautiful day! I’m totes gonna smash my time today!
Bloody hill. Why is it there, so soon into my run?
Why do I ask myself that every time, when I know it’s coming up?
So, when I get home I’ll not procrastinate, I’m gonna shower and get shit done. Yeah!
Oh cute puppy dog. It would eat my Bruce alive
People. Shit. Put my nice face on and do ‘the nod’.
Awww I got a hello. I’m all warm and fuzzy now. I’ll give them a big smile next time.
Holy shit, matching prams? This adds a whole new level to walking with the Mums group.
Omg could you take up any more of the path there? Don’t mind me while I try and jog past on that 5mm you left me. Thanks jerk.
Now my vibe is wrecked. Breathe. Keep breathing. I’m still gonna get a good time today. I just know it.
Argh scooters. Kids on scooters. This is awkward. Just stop and let me pass you. For the love of god don’t scooter next to me while I’m jogging. You’ll hear my loud breathing and puffing.
Have I got a big sweat patch on my back? Cos I feel sweaty. God I hope it hasn’t left giant arm pit sweat marks. Why do I wear a t-shirt? Why??
Woah, she’s got a killer body. And running at a great speed. Bitch.
More people. Give them the nod. Why no nod back? More jerks. So many jerks.
I need music. Music would be good right now.
I’m shuffling like a grandma. Shit I hope I can at least make my usual time.
Why the fuck have I got “Let it Go” in my head? Bloody kids
Nice breeze. That’ll make me run faster.
Wonder what the kids are doing? Bet I get home to total destruction. Bloody party Dad.
Nearly home. I’ve so got this PB.
I think I’ll just sit for a bit before I hop in the shower. Let the sweat settle. That’s not procrastinating right?
Do other people talk in their heads this much while jogging? Am I insane?
Maybe I should ‘ommm’ or something. How does that even work anyway?
“Let it….. “no. Just no. I am buying one of those lame arm bands for my iphone as soon as I get home. That’s not procrastinating. That’s necessary.
If only all of society could be as nice as the people on this bike path. Well except for the no nod jerks. I hope the inner city cows eat them.
Ugggh. Final hill. Don’t pussy out. Get to the yellow thingers at the end. Just look at the yellow.
Damn it. Someone’s on the hill. Gotta look like I’m composed. No grunting.
Yessssss. Hit the yellow thingers.
I can see home. I can hear screaming. Shit. I might keep jogging past.
Done. I have a sweat moustache. So hot right now. Thank god only my husband can see me right now.
I feel so refreshed now! I love zoning out.
Ahhhh the serenity. Looking forward to my next jog