Do you ever just feel like you’re a bit shit? Or that others might think you’re a bit shit?
Pull up a chair my friend, you’re in good company.
I think it’s safe to say that there’s a few of us, thinking we’re a bit crap, or feeling unsure about our abilities. If I had a dollar for every time I was told ‘but you seems so confident!’….. then I’d at least have a dollar.
It’s a tough gig, this insecurity shit. Always feeling you’re not quite good enough, or if you’re entrusted with something, you’ll mess it up. Worrying that you’re not being a good enough friend/partner/parent/worker/boss/human.
Insecurity is really not feeling confident in yourself for whatever reason. So we can call it lack of confidence, but really that’s a pretty way of saying insecure. Sometimes it can just be an inherent thing, sometimes it crops up because of shit that goes down in life. It often leads to over-compensation. Like having verbal diarrhoea when in new social groups. Or totally over-acting when telling stories to make up for the fact the story sucks balls. Or plunging headfirst into ridiculously dull tasks to avoid having to try something new that might be a bit challenging.
Totally not referring to myself by the way.
Insecurity can make us do some pretty whack things. And think whack things. And say whack things. Which in turn can make things more whack.
In it’s regular form, it’s just more a pain in the arse for the person not feeling too confident. Self-doubt is a fucker, friends, it really is. It plants itself firmly in your noggin’, tells you all sorts of shit and then it ear worms its way into your belief system and then stops you from, you know, being you. You try to be like others, or do what you think others want you to do. Or you might ignore those things that make your heart sing (yeah I know, I vomited a bit writing that line too. That’s a whole other post on singing hearts though).
In its extreme, it can be really nasty. Like, tearing others down kinda nasty. Being an arsehole kinda nasty. Not cool.
There’s ways around it though. And you know what? Feeling insecure actually doesn’t have to be a bad thing all the time.
Are you drunk, Dr. Sash?
Ha, I wish! No really, I do. I’ve got a lot of drinking to make up for.
For reals, feeling a bit insecure means you care. You care about doing stuff. Care about trying your best, being a good human, wanting to be ok. So, by virtue of thinking you’re a shit human, you actually aren’t.
Let that sit with you for a moment. Confused? Yep, me too.
In all serious though, it’s true. When you wonder about what you’re doing, if you’re doing ok, if you’re trying your best, then it means you’re keeping yourself in check. You’re reflecting and reviewing. Not a bad thing at all. But too much insecurity? That’s a one way ticket to narcissism town. Population: full of arseholes. Getting way too obsessed with oneself ain’t good.
So how do we dial the volume down on this shit?
- If you find yourself holding yourself back, do the opposite. Push yourself in a different direction. Because really, what’s the worst that can happen?
- If you find yourself always looking at what others have, and using that as fuel to feed the insecurity, turn away. It is that simple. Get focused on other things, go and do other things. Pause, see what others have, and move on from it.
- What are you actually doing that’s pretty damn spesh? There is stuff there, truly. Write it down. Look at it. Kiss it. Ok, you can refrain from kissing it. But like read the list and tell yourself you are actually a good egg.
- Instead of using past experiences as your evidence, use them as a chance to learn and try things differently. If you think you can’t do something because of what happened way back when, look at what you could do instead to make it work this time around. No giving up on this train ride, yo.
- Do something nice for yourself every.single.day. Doesn’t have to be huge, just has to be something that you get a bit of a good feeling from. More good feelings= happy vibes= focus on what’s going ok= more power to work through that insecurity shit. Word.
So if you’re thinking you’re a shit human, then you’re most likely not a shit human. You’re a bit of alright, actually. We’ve just gotta tweak a few things so you can see that you’re ok.
Ever have any insecure moments? What do you do to cope? Are you a waffler like a *friend of mine?
*friend may share a similar name to myself.