Are you a shit human? Come hang out right here…

Do you ever just feel like you’re a bit shit? Or that others might think you’re a bit shit?

Pull up a chair my friend, you’re in good company.

I think it’s safe to say that there’s a few of us, thinking we’re a bit crap, or feeling unsure about our abilities. If I had a dollar for every time I was told ‘but you seems so confident!’….. then I’d at least have a dollar.

It’s a tough gig, this insecurity shit. Always feeling you’re not quite good enough, or if you’re entrusted with something, you’ll mess it up. Worrying that you’re not being a good enough friend/partner/parent/worker/boss/human.

insecurity meme
Smells like hipster….

Insecurity is really not feeling confident in yourself for whatever reason. So we can call it lack of confidence, but really that’s a pretty way of saying insecure. Sometimes it can just be an inherent thing, sometimes it crops up because of shit that goes down in life. It often leads to over-compensation. Like having verbal diarrhoea when in new social groups. Or totally over-acting when telling stories to make up for the fact the story sucks balls. Or plunging headfirst into ridiculously dull tasks to avoid having to try something new that might be a bit challenging.

Totally not referring to myself by the way.

AM NOT.

*cough*

Insecurity can make us do some pretty whack things. And think whack things. And say whack things. Which in turn can make things more whack.

In it’s regular form, it’s just more a pain in the arse for the person not feeling too confident. Self-doubt is a fucker, friends, it really is. It plants itself firmly in your noggin’, tells you all sorts of shit and then it ear worms its way into your belief system and then stops you from, you know, being you. You try to be like others, or do what you think others want you to do. Or you might ignore those things that make your heart sing (yeah I know, I vomited a bit writing that line too. That’s a whole other post on singing hearts though).

In its extreme, it can be really nasty. Like, tearing others down kinda nasty. Being an arsehole kinda nasty. Not cool.

insecurity meme3
Uhh huh

There’s ways around it though. And you know what? Feeling insecure actually doesn’t have to be a bad thing all the time.

Are you drunk, Dr. Sash?

Ha, I wish! No really, I do. I’ve got a lot of drinking to make up for.

For reals, feeling a bit insecure means you care. You care about doing stuff. Care about trying your best, being a good human, wanting to be ok. So, by virtue of thinking you’re a shit human, you actually aren’t.

Let that sit with you for a moment. Confused? Yep, me too.

In all serious though, it’s true. When you wonder about what you’re doing, if you’re doing ok, if you’re trying your best, then it means you’re keeping yourself in check. You’re reflecting and reviewing. Not a bad thing at all. But too much insecurity? That’s a one way ticket to narcissism town. Population: full of arseholes. Getting way too obsessed with oneself ain’t good.

insecurity comic

So how do we dial the volume down on this shit?

  • If you find yourself holding yourself back, do the opposite. Push yourself in a different direction. Because really, what’s the worst that can happen?
  • If you find yourself always looking at what others have, and using that as fuel to feed the insecurity, turn away. It is that simple. Get focused on other things, go and do other things. Pause, see what others have, and move on from it.
  • What are you actually doing that’s pretty damn spesh? There is stuff there, truly. Write it down. Look at it. Kiss it. Ok, you can refrain from kissing it. But like read the list and tell yourself you are actually a good egg.
  • Instead of using past experiences as your evidence, use them as a chance to learn and try things differently. If you think you can’t do something because of what happened way back when, look at what you could do instead to make it work this time around. No giving up on this train ride, yo.
  • Do something nice for yourself every.single.day. Doesn’t have to be huge, just has to be something that you get a bit of a good feeling from. More good feelings= happy vibes= focus on what’s going ok= more power to work through that insecurity shit. Word.

So if you’re thinking you’re a shit human, then you’re most likely not a shit human. You’re a bit of alright, actually. We’ve just gotta tweak a few things so you can see that you’re ok.

 

Ever have any insecure moments? What do you do to cope? Are you a waffler like a *friend of mine?

 

*friend may share a similar name to myself.

 

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    Insecurity comes and goes with me. I use to be but I have taught (or told) myself that I am better than that and deserve better than that.

    • I think that’s the best way to go- if you’re not feeling it then at least telling yourself it until you feel it again. Because it does come and go, doesn’t it? x

  • I get insecure and self doubty all the time. It’s hard to rise above it but I do have a crack at it. I don’t want to have regrets based on stuff I didn’t do because I felt that way.

    • Lady I would never have guessed that about you! I’m always in awe of your air of confidence, that and you’re one clever lass. Rising above is what it’s all about! x

  • Alix@thebuilderette

    Great post. I think we are often so much meaner to ourselves than we are to our friends. I sometimes ask myself if I would say “that” to a friend – and if I wouldn’t, then I probably shouldn’t be saying it to myself.

    • That is perfect Alix! That’s exactly the line I use with my little kiddies I work with-
      ‘what advice would you give to a friend?’ Because we’re always good at helping others, and sometimes not so kind to ourselves. xx

  • I can put my hands up to this. I do have insecure moments and the only way I cope is by talking about it with friends who gently remind me I am more than capable. We’re always much harder on ourselves aren’t we and more so when we’re mothers.

    • And you ARE more than capable lovely- look at all you’ve done over the last couple of years!! Definitely much harder on ourselves when we become mothers- that bloody guilt…! xx

  • I love the way your write! Yep, I could be accused of thinking I am shit. Do it pretty well actually, but I do acknowledge that I am doing the best I can. I used to be a very confident person, life happened and now I am on a long path to finding it again. xx

    • Oh thank you gorgeous!! I often wonder if I just waffle and potty mouth a bit much ha ha. You are on an amazing path sweets, confidence is always there, it’s just about bringing it back to the surface where it belongs. xx

  • I’m a big time waffler. And I overcompensate by acting to so confident in everything I do, while the voice in my head keeps singing “You’re such a dickhead, you have no idea, you’re going to fail miserably”. It’s such a weird contradiction to live, because when you fess up to feeling insecure to people who know you they think you can’t possibly be and that you’re just looking for attention. It’s exhausting sometimes and makes it really hard to admit when I’m struggling and need help big-time.

    Most of the time I just try to fake it till I make it and it often works. When I find myself sinking in to a self-doubt hole I take a night off to do nothing but sit on the lounge and watch mind-numbing TV and not think about anything, and try again in the morning.

    • Ha ha oh lovely come and join the waffler club! 😛 You’re so right, it’s SUCH a weird contradiction. Sounds like a great strategy though- giving yourself permission to just chill and then try again in the morning. I think this whole gig of ours is just trial and error, isn’t it?

      p.s love your photos! I dream of taking pics as good as you do! x

  • I love that prison cartoon 😉

  • Lisa Shearon

    Why! Thank you for writing a post just for me! Overacting a story cos it sucks ballz? HELLO.

    • Lady, you do no such thing! Your stories are the SHIZ. For realz. I adore reading everything you write. I’m just seeming like a creepy lurker at the moment because every time I go to comment, one little cherub decides he needs me to do shit for him NOW. RIGHT NOW MUM. As I type this, I think he’s wormed his way into my bathroom and I have zero clue what he’s shoving in his gob. Oops.

      Keep being awesome. xx

  • I am feeling like a particularly shit human right now – like, even more than usual. This post couldn’t have come at a better time, thanks for the straight talk doc x

    • Oh honey, you are the furtherest thing from a shit human. Truly. You are doing all the things, for all the people, you’re actually an awesome human. And you clearly want to do well for others because you’re feeling like you aren’t. But you are. Yes, I’ve confused you now, haven’t I? We need a wine together. xx

    • And p.s so sorry it’s taken me fucking two weeks to reply when you felt like shit. Because that’s seriously how shit I’ve been going lately!! Gah!! xx

  • Yep, I definitely get insecure about everything! I also get some green eyed monstering going on, particularly reading about peoples awesome social lives and seeing beautiful big homes! That’s right – reading. I think Facebook is a huge culprit and when I start feeling like a shit human being I know it’s time to take a break from social media for a bit because I compare too much when I should really just be focusing on myself and what I have going for me. #TeamIBOT

    • You are so so right! FB is a monster for fueling that ‘idyllic lifestyle’ myth. Taking a break from social media is definitely a good thing. I often wonder how it’s going to be for our cherubs as they get older. Eeek. x

  • I think I need to revisit this post regularly Dr Sash! It’s hard to rise about the self doubt. I do care about stuff. I like stuff. I like the idea of thinking “what’s the worst that can happen” and doing nice things daily. I’ve just poured myself a glass of wine – does that count as doing something nice for myself?!

    • Oh lovely it is so hard to rise above self-doubt. But by having that doubt, it means you’re caring about stuff and you’re wanting to kick goals. Which by the way you totally are. You are doing awesomely!!!!! Pouring yourself a glass of wine is the first step. Pouring a second and third is then being nice to yourself. 😛 x

  • You’re right Sash – if you are feeling insecure it means you care enough to try to be your best. Not a shitty human at all. I love how you call bullshit on that. I try to compartmentalise stuff so that I allow myself to feel insecure about some things while no I rock others. That was the insecurity is at least directed and not about who I am as a non-shitty human being.

    • Kathy I love that way of operating!! Go you! Compartmentalising is where it’s at fo’ sho’. Because there’s going to be areas where we’re not so crash hot, but others that we’re smashing. Best kind of human right there. x

  • Oh I have these moments often! I think I’ll print this list out and read each day to slap myself out of it! I’m my own worst critic I swear. fab post lovely, nailed it again!! xx

    • Thanks sweets! Ha ha I’m so shit at the moment it’s taken me this long to respond! Gah! You’re such a good cheerleader for everyone else, you gotta cheerlead for yourself!! x

  • I don’t think I’m shit, not at all. I think parts of me are very shit and offputting, but basically I feel good enough to stand with the human race and have a beer or two. I think that’s the mistake we sometimes make when raising kids: we think that a healthy self-esteem relies on someone thinking they’re the greatest thing on earth. Not at all. It just relies on someone thinking that they are just as good as the next person, that they have parts of them that are even better, and that they have the tools to work on the bits they don’t like about themselves. The ‘strengths-based’ approach to living. x

    • Love this Bron! Strengths-based is a great approach. We’ve all got good bits and not so good bits, but by looking at what we’re doing well, then it can only enhance life, can’t it? xx

  • TeganMC

    I have moments like that a lot. I’m not a waffler, I’m a blurter. Some days I can almost feel my brain doing the whole slow mo run while screaming nnnnooooooo as I blurt something out when nervous.

    p.s Sorry for taking so long to return to the IBOT comment love xx

    • Ha ha oh lovely I’m so sorry for taking so long to bloody reply! Life, huh? Nerves are a messed up thing, aren’t they? We get ourselves all knotted up doing and saying shit out of panic. Sometimes things need to be blurted though. xx

  • I am up and down like a freaking rollercoaster! One minute I am feeling great and then insecurities take my ass right down! Self doubt is a bastard!

    • Rollercoasters can be fun… until you lose your lunch! You my friend have nothing to feel insecure about. Look at you pushing yourself through and kicking goals!! xx

  • I am a totally shit person. I agree that life is a rollercoaster, but I seem to be stuck on the scary, sick-making part …